Somnium Sursum Pages 13 to 16

The Story and Atmosphere:
I think that Somnium Sursum was a nice short story. While the idea of something trying to kill you in your mind-palace is not all that new, the character usually doesn't attack using their imagination immediately like yours did, making your story a satisfyingly quick read.

The story did have a frightening character (unknown mental parasite), however, it wasn't scary at all. It may have had some suspenseful parts, but the story was humorous throughout the entire thing. Sure, getting chased by a shadow-demon may have been horrifying for the teen, but what's funnier than laughing at others terror? (Side note: Only reason it wasn't scary was because it wasn't drawn that way, therefore it wasn't perceived in that fashion.)

The Characters
Protagonist: An older boy (possibly 19) that faces the antagonist, a mental parasite. He's a fairly quick thinker and does well under pressure, as shown when he realizes something was wrong with the land and used the arena's abilities to win over his opponent. Overall a good character and is not too unrealistic.
Antagonist: A mental parasite that evades the host's mind and eats the host in their "dream land". It seems to have an almost playful nature and doesn't seem to fear defeat, as it hasn't failed to eat a victim yet. However, it's overconfidence became its downfall when the protagonist got the better of it. This makes sense, since it has such a high winning streak, and it probably thought its prey wouldn't be as bright as to fight back (or it didn't think of that option itself).

Design
While not as good as your newest works, TrebleChibi, this comic is still a nice looking comic. It does have depth, and the movements were clear and nothing was confusing. The lighting and shadowing is definitely nothing to complain about, however, the background could use a little work on the 6th page at "section" 2. The water didn't seem to be the best it could have been. By making the water a dark blue-green instead of turquoise, you could have a better looking water in no time.

Overall Goods:
The comic was nicely shaded/lighted and the story wasn't very complicated. The weapons the teenager used against his opponent was definitely creative, and the comic overall made sense. Nothing was too far-fetched other than the blunt fiction, which is good. The story would probably make someone's morning. (Side note: the speech/action bubbles fitted the scenarios smoothly.)

Overall Bads:
I doubt that you'd like to here me comment on water's inappropriate appearance, so I'll train my focus elsewhere. Your main character has a problem. He doesn't have a name. Humans give things names and put sentimental value in those names, so giving him a name would be important. While you could get away with it this time around, I suggest giving your kids names next time (especially if you're going to kill them). In addition to character flaws, I would have liked to see the teen at least struggle a little when defeating his enemy. I know it's not really necessary, it takes up more time, and is possibly not even possible (considering the boy practically has the power of a Dungeon Master/God), but seeing such a hopeful enemy getting crushed like an ant is..... Anticlimactic, for the lack of a better word.

Overview (conclusion):
Somnium Sursum could really teach you something. Face a difficulty, and if you can solve or end it, do it. No matter how scary your opponent is, whether a man in a white lab coat or homework, no matter how hard or easy something seems, whether it be writing or making a cake, no matter WHAT- use your imagination, keep your head high, and do your best, and everything will work out.

Great story, awesome drawings, and FABULOUS JOB. Not everyone can write a good story and draw brilliantly at the same time, which makes you truly special TrebleChibi! I hope you continue improving and to show talent in your work. Take your time and don't hurt yourself!

Paths are as Bright as we make them ~Brightpaw